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Oh the Honesty…

I need to be honest. Training has it’s ups and downs. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and so on. I know it’s a little dumb, especially coming off of a great training half marathon, but i’m scared that I won’t be able to run the pace i want in 7 weeks. My spring ‘A’ race is almost here and halfway through training, I’m doubting myself and to be brutally honest, I’m fucking scared.

I hold running close to my heart. It’s a sport I didn’t get to play in school (not by my own choice, but that’s another story). After being active in art and music –all of which are subjective as to whether or not I was any good, I found running. The distance you cover, the pace you run, the time on the official board, is what it is. No one can take that away. It’s objective, black and white and another one of the hundreds of reasons I love it.

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Each year I fall more and more in love with running. And each year i set goals. The goal of breaking 1:30 in a half marathon has been a far fetched goal of mine. It was once the secret, i bet one day I can break 1:30, goal. It’s been in the back of my head for years, even before I broke two hours. Until now I thought coming close to this time goal was as out there as finding the pot o’gold at the end of the rainbow or the lost city of Atlantis…

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from our Sunday walk 🙂

I have several more of those seemingly impossible,  i can’t say these out loud goals which i’ll save for another time. Once a goal crosses my mind again and again, it’s hard for me to shake them. I have to know if i can do it! Or at least I have to try.

I’m 6 minutes away from a huge running goal of mine and for the first time in a while, i’m scared of it. It almost seems too big to actually happen. It’s getting close and for some reason the closer it comes the more i doubt my abilities. Yeah, i know! Ridiculous. But i’m allowed to have ridiculous thoughts, that’s the point of this post. Training takes a strange toll on you mentally and emotionally.

Maybe i’m just dealing with post-race blues? Maybe I’m not ready to hit the 1:30 goal this soon because it will close a big chapter in my running life. Maybe I’m already nervous of what goals I have for after.

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Most days i feel motivated, strong and unconquerable. Those confident feelings of I CAN, push me through workouts and keep me relaxed when paces and miles seem impossible. I remind myself often, the mind will quit well before the body and we are all capable of what we can’t even possibly imagine.

See, talking it out with all of you makes me feel much better. Thanks for letting me air my thoughts :).

Last Week

Monday: 20min yoga

Tuesday: 8.5m interval 16 x 400s @ 10k pace (6 @ 6:31/pace, 6 @ 6:27/pace, 4 @ 6:22/pace)

Wednesday: 6.9m easy 8:58/pace, 40 min shoulders + legs

Thursday: 30 min Rope pull up/downs + core 

Friday: 7m alternating easy tempo 8:41/pace

Saturday: 11m easy 9:30/pace

Sunday: 2.5m walk w/LE

Total Miles: 33.4

Care to share your crazy training emotions?

What gets you through the self doubt?