July of this year was torturous. My wedding was called off, I moved out, I was injured (no running!), took on a new job position, and was trying to hold everything together just enough to try and live normally. Train for a marathon, try new things, get a haircut. The usual things to keep the mind distracted from your life at the moment.
In pure frustration one warm summer night many months ago, in a half empty, lonely apartment, I grabbed a giant piece of packing paper and wrote across the top, “Things that make me happy” and i just started writing. I decided then and there I’d just start doing things, simple things, that put a smile on my face. I haven’t turned back since. I am truly trying to do things that will better my future, even if it’s just a simple thing on a daily level.
Here it is, unaltered and raw. Don’t judge, this is my list, not yours 😉
Things That Make Me Happy
1) Running, especially in new cities
2) Coffee, extra hot so it lasts long
3) Egg sandwiches
5) spontaneous activities
7) Good TV Shows
8) Visiting Family & Friends
9) Traveling to new places
10) Lifting Heavy Weights
11) Pushing my body’s strength & endurance
13) Personal training @ Gold’s Gym
14) good music & live concerts
15) Playing piano
17) Feeling weightless
18) Cookies, dark chocolate
21) Visiting beaches
What I’m finding out about myself isn’t too complicated. I love coffee, breakfast foods, being creative, athletic and traveling.
I already knew these things, but somewhere earlier last year I felt like I was losing myself. What I discovered after time passed, and many, many, therapy sessions later is that I am the same person. I like the same things I did before. I was just scared. Terrified shitless actually, that getting married would make me a person I didn’t want to be. That I would lose all the things I actually like about myself. But of course that isn’t what happens. I was just too depressed and clouded to think any different. You’re supposed to be with a person that supports you for who you are and what you love and do those things together.
Which brings me to the final thing on the Happy List.
At the time I didn’t want to write his name on the list because that meant the thing I thought was making me unhappy and changing me, was the very thing that makes me most happy in this world. He wasn’t making me unhappy. I just come from a family where divorce is prominent and not having much permanency is a lifestyle. And I got scared out of a big commitment.
So, the cards fell as they did. I chose to work hard when Cameron gave me a chance to go to therapy with him and see if this could work in the future. We chose not to include family or friends in this process because we didn’t want to drag anyone into our drama, but we also wanted privacy while we worked on our relationship.
The good news is therapy has been a huge help and we’ve been feeling really good about our future together. Plus, I miss having Cameron on my blog and I wanted everyone to know what’s been going on. He’s such a huge part of my life it’s been killing me not to include our time together on here.
I hope everyone can be supportive of our decision, and be happy that we’re growing much stronger together than ever before. I
really feel like know we’re setting ourselves up for a beautiful life, and I want everyone to be a part of it. 🙂
We’re celebrating our 7 year anniversary today–Cheers!
Workouts from Feb 16th-22nd
Monday: 20 min glutes
Tuesday: 6m interval (8 x 400s, 2 @ 6:03/pace, 2 @ 5:56, 2 @ 5:53, 2 @ 5:46)
Wednesday: CFE- 4200m row, 250 sit ups, 150 push ups
Thursday: 7.5m intervals (6 X 1000m — 6:53, 6:48, 6:44, 6:39, 6:35, 6:33) 30 min core,
Saturday: 10m easy 8:15/pace
Total Miles: 23.5
What’s on your happy list?